A friend dies of suicide

Yes, this has been a season of death - of seveal reports of persons dying in the last week...Monday, Friday and today -  a sister in Christ dies of suicide. I have been keenly aware in the last 7 weeks, of seasons of mourning. Ecclesiastes says, "there is a time for mourning..." This is a time for many of us; many of you who are mourning not only mourning, but healing. I have received call after call, and today I walked into church to find out that a dear sister in the faith, had given up the fight - tricked by the enemy to leave this world. I am praying for the family right now in Jesus' name.

What a serious death - a serious thing to happen to such a woman who I believed loved God, but did not know how to reach for help in a time of need. Don't judge her, she was ill, she was not herself and what happened, only God knows and understands. Upon reading this, lift her family up who are walking in the aftermath of such a terrible event. Death brings enough mourning - suicide is another level of mourning, so many unanswered questions and feelings. So many signs missed of a soul that was hurting and in the deepest of despair. Father, help us all to heal from our wounds. Heal our souls, our minds and our spirits. Do not let our church programs and services get so regimented that we feel like we can get a "touch" from you and walk out of the doors - we need Your help and Your comfort.

Lord...help us in our mourning today. So many...the 10 families from the last 7 weeks in the circle of friends and church members I knew and so many more all over the world - help us in our grieving and heal not only our hearts and minds, but our land. We need you today Lord. We need you to keep us in the dark times. We need You Jesus to fix us where we are broken and messed up by people who hurt us and the enemy who brought bondage in our lives.

Father, in Jesus name, break the curses off of our lives. Now in Jesus name...set every captive free. Let no one leave this world under these circumstances. Father, keep people when they are desparate. Keep me and keep my family. Lord, You know all of us, how much we can bear and take....Be there for us when we need You the most..Be there Lord.

Suicide is an awful thing. To hurt oneself is to hate oneself. That is not God - that is the enemy who hates us all. But Jesus loves us. Jesus loves me. Jesus loves you. Jesus loves you. Jesus loves you....

Don't forget...no matter how dark the night....Jesus, The Light of the World will brighten our darkest days....Without Him we can do nothing....

Praying ever the more for those who mourn today....love you in Jesus.

Unexpected

Unexpected. That's how I can describe what I am going through today. It was totally unexpected. And unexpected events cause grief...too. Maybe I place too much expectation in people. I actually believe people or want to believe in people. However, some people do not reveal their true colors until...they reveal their true colors. Then all of the expectations of the relationship is poured out...What you thought was good, you now say, "I don't know...is this a good thing?" Persons who seem to have some modicum of civility and sense, show you that, underneath that veneer of civility, they are an animal on the prowl to attack your character, intentions and even your motives.

Some persons who know you just want to believe that you are not good enough...they believe they are inherently "better than you" when in actuality they are not better - they look better, but their value systems, morals, social networks and actions tell you that they do not have a "higher" plane of thinking...they are really low in how they view life, situations, events and even, sometimes you.

I have decided that I am going to trust in The Lord more. I cannot rely on the fickleness of persons who do not live in my "God view" of life's events. I need to listen to the Lord Jesus about the proper perspective, actions and viewpoints of how I relate to persons and how I handle situations. I am not perfect, never said I was, but one thing I do know: I do not intentionally seek to harm or hurt persons; I also do not think I'm better (I think I slip up on this sometimes, but God straightens me out and I know that with God, He is the only One who is BETTER than anyone else). I want to live for Christ, I want to do what is right, I want to have the right intentions and serve Jesus, people...be a blessing.

I know I am "confessing"...but really...I am always disturbed by unexpected realities...and then I have to go back to the God who never changes. The One I can count on to be constant. Thank you Lord for being the same, "yesterday, today and forever".

The unexpected. A dashed dream, a failed relationship, a sudden change of course..loss.....Thank God, He comforts me in the unexpected events of life. I better trust Him more...He is trustworthy.

Loss after loss

I mourn.

I relocated a month ago; the first weekend I attended a funeral of a family friend. The following week, another family friend's loss had me at another homegoing service. This week, three deaths, including that of my dear cousin Sylvia in Georgia. In one day, I heard of two of the losses, including Sylvia's death. I was told, "she was tired of living". None of that lessons the feelings of loss. All died in the Lord Jesus; I am glad they are with Him in eternity; today I was shakened by the deep abiding heaviness that occurs when the mind is trying to salvage some meaning to the finality of death. I am so glad that I know Jesus and that The Holy Spirit is comforting me. Never in such a time have I experienced, observed so much loss and grief at the same time.

I am overwhelmed.

I just wrote about the good grief, the kind of loss that you experience when you have made decisions to move to a new town, take a new job and all that. However, as my grief deepens, I have doubted my decisions. I have lost some of my bearings. It is difficult ...so many adjustments at the same time has left me yearning...wondering about my choices...and waiting on God to make a way for me that no one else can do. Only the Lord can make a way out...(thank you Jesus).

And now, I weep while others are weeping just like the Bible tells us to do in Romans 12:15. I also rejoice knowing that they died in Jesus. I mourn knowing that though their body perished, their souls are with The Lord...for all eternity. No more suffering...many suffered in this life and were tired from the suffering. One died of old age. One battled death while fighting by faith cancer and was a great testimony until ....not that she lost the fight or battle, but the Lord in His wisdom, allowed her life and time on this earth to end. One was young...not even 35 years of age. Many wore purple at her funeral to celebrate the fun person she was...we were shouting and praising God. Another, a man who could sing for God was celebrated with song...we praised then too. Thank you Lord for showing me that we can die with victory because of you Jesus. You have conquered death for us. You Jesus, took the final sting out of death.

No more stings. Tears, yes...but the sting of death is defeated...vanquished. I want to die praising the Lord in my life just like these died. But not yet...more work to do with the Lord (not for the Lord, notice the difference).

I am glad. The Holy Spirit has cheered me with Jesus who is Our Victory if we know and have accepted Him as our Savior. He loves me and He loves you. Hallelujah to The Lamb.

Good Grief Again

Today I cried...I knew that God was at work in my life when I attended a church where a healing service was being conducted along with Holy Communion. The church, a quiet place of bountiful worship, scripture reading was most beautiful in its simplicity. No cameras...lights or "live stream videotaping". It was a time for a refreshing. After service, the pastor took 20 minutes or more of her time to talk to me...about my good grief. I knew by the Holy Spirit that I was grieving and stressed, but I didn't really get it until I spoke to the Pastor about the recent changes of a relocation, new job - what she called, "high stress" events. I was once again reminded of how good God is in watching over His little children and letting me (us) know, that He cares - He sends His people to minister to minister to others in their time of need.

Thankfully, I am facing my good grief. The terrible pain of grief again in spite of making a good decision that led to other good decisions for change, did not stop me from experiencing a sense of loss. This explained my anxiety and sadness...loss is really loss....no matter the loss. Leaving even good things, a change in geographic locations, a new job, a new place to live, a new routine and leaving behind what was...causes grief. After our talk, my heart was both glad and sad - I know now how to pray about the grief and glad that "I am normal".

I have also attended two funerals in the last two weeks of moving. I am overwhlemed and needed to recognize that I was in a grieving place. I have however, after acknowledging that I am in the grieving process, to not attend anymore funerals for awhile - I have to take care of my own grief work. I will send cards though...but I can't take another funeral at this time. Thank God who always causes us (me) to triumph in Christ Jesus in the midst of any type of grief.

Thanking God for His help in navigating through this new grieving process.

"Thanks be to God".